Asylumstuck
by sugarweregoindownswingin
Summary: The beta kids and the beta (alpha? The hivebents) trolls are all sent to a mental hospital for various mental illnesses. Humanstuck, 1970sstuck.


Your name is Vriska, and-

_-No, it isn't._

Your name is _Vriska_.

_-Your name is not Vriska._

**Your name is ****_Vriska Serket _****and everyone is lying to you.**

_-Your name is Victoria Smith and you are in a mental hospital._

Which is stupid. You aren't crazy at all. You just like 8s.

_-You killed your mother._

She wanted me to kill my friends! It wasn't my fault!

_-You told the police that she was a spider and that she was 8eing crushed 8y rocks._

Well she was, in the other place. And she was hurting.

_-This is not the other place._

I didn't wanna kill her, but she was hurting. And she wanted to eat my friends.

_-Your mother was not a canni8al._

No, she was a spider.

_-Your mother was human and she was trying to take care of you._

Well I'm not human.

_-You are human. Your name is Victoria Smith. You are in a mental hospital for paranoid delusions, hallucinations, and paranoid schizophrenia._

My friends don't think I'm crazy. They get it.

_-Your friends are spiders._

I talk to spiders.

_-You do not talk to spiders._

Your name is Vriska Serket, and you aren't crazy.

_-Your name is Victoria Smith, and you just had a conversation with a voice in your head._

C_-_

Your name is Calliope English right now.

**HEY, DuMBASS! MY TuRN!**

That's the one you call your brother. He's mean, but this is his body too. His name is Caliborn.

**YOuR TIME'S RuNNING OuT, DuMBASS!**

He's lying. You get to be in control for at least ten more minutes. You should hide your book before he gets out.

**It is his turn now.**

No, it isn't. You're sure.

**Release him.**

That's Lord English. He's the most powerful. He's going to make you go away.

**TIME'S uP, DuMBASS.**

_YoU're one of the voices now._

**SHuT uP.**

Your name is Caliborn English.

_YoU have dissociative identity disorder._

And it's finally you're turn.

K-

Your name is Kanaya-

_No+t anymo+re, darling._

That's right. Your name is Katherine McRyan now. Your name is Katherine McRyan and you don't know where you're going.

_Yo+u're go+ing to+ a mental ho+spital._

Why?

_Yo+u killed yo+ur father and drank his blo+o+d._

I had to. He was hurting me and Mother.

_But yo+u drank his blo+o+d._

I'm a vampire. I needed to drink his blood. And otherwise he would have come back to hurt Mother again.

_Yo+u are no+t a vampire. Yo+u are sixteen years o+ld and to+o+ mature for these games._

I still had to kill him.

_I'm no+t arguing with yo+u abo+ut that. Yo+ur father was no+t necessary._

Then why are they taking me away?

_Because yo+u drank every dro+p o+f blo+o+d in his bo+dy._

Because I'm a vampire.

_Yo+u are Katherine McRyan. They decided yo+u suffer from Reinfeld Syndro+me, Po+st Traumatic Stress Diso+rder and helio+pho+bia._

I don't suffer.

_Go+ suck so+meo+ne's neck._

S-

Your name is Sollux-

Your name is Scott, idiot!

It's a pleasure to meet you!

I hate you already.

I'm sure you're a nice voice!

I'm sure you aren't!

Sorry if I seem contrary.

Deal with it, fucker.

I'm being rude, aren't I?

You are such a dick. I am who I am, asshole.

I just killed my girlfriend is all.

Fucking bitch.

_W0W Y0U 4R3 F1FTY 5H4D35 0F M3553D UP_

I know.

You are so fucking rude.

_H3Y FUCK Y0U T00_

Sorry, my bipolar disorder is getting worse. Aradia used to help it.

Fuck you, you're making my bipolar disorder worse. Fucking douchebag.

_TH0RRY_

F-

Your name is Feferi P-

_no it motherglubbin aint_

Fine. Your name is Femi Phygellus

_yeah a bunch of thingsve changed_

They told you that you were in here for your own safety, so you guess it's okay, but they don't let you swim here.

_swimmin aint the only thing you liked beach_

No, but it was the best thing! And you miss your fishies.

_they were goldfish they live maybe three months_

But they were the best!

_whyd they put you in here again_

Cause I'm a mermaid and they don't think I'm a mermaid and they said I almost died.

_whats the thing you have called again_

I think it's called paranoid somatic hallucinations! Sometimes they call it clinical lycanthropy, which is a stupid name.

_you are such a whiny beach._

Am not!

_yeah you are shut up_

I hate you.

_that makes two of us_

A-

Your name is Aradi-

_それがあなたの名前ではありません_

You don't even speak whatever that is, but fine. Your name is Ara Mineto.

_どのようにしている?_

Whatever. You're in a hospital, like that song you used to like. You're okay with it, but no one believes you.

_何について？_

You're dead, but they tell you you exist and they make you swallow things. They're gross.

_私はあなたが知っている、ネクロフィリアに反対されたことがないだ。_

You hear other dead people too, sometimes. They tell you things.

_私たちは幽霊との乱交を持っていますか？_

They call it Cotard Delusion and Auditory Hallucinations. It's kinda sad.

_黙って私のクリトリスをなめる。_

Ew.

N-

meow

_(=TωT=) YOU AREN'T A CAT_

*nepawta realizes the voice is correct and-*

___(=^-ω-^=)_ WILL YOU QUIT ROLEPLAYING? AND YOUR NAME IS NEPETA.

yes it is!

_(=TωT=) NO. NO IT ISN'T._

fine. my name is natalie legion.

___(=TωT=) THANK YOU._

_*_natalie decides the voice is stupid and-*

_(=TωT=) I AM NOT STUPID._

yes you are

_(=TωT=) I AM NOT._

are too

_(=TωT=) NO._

youre as stupid as my old momma.

_(^•o•^) WHAT HAPPENED TO HER?_

she died and i ate her up

_(^•o•^) WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?_

beclaws im a vicious kitty cat and i needed food

_(=^-ω-^=) YOU AREN'T A KITTY SW33THEART._

yes i am and since momma got killed by falling rocks i had to eat her

_(= ; I ; =) OH BABY._

they call it cannibalism and clinical lycanthropy which is stupid. it should be lycat-thropy.

_(=`ω´=) OKAY HONEY._

K-

You hate everyone. They're awful and you want to scream at all of them. They suck.

_Y9u sh9uld 6e tagging that. It's incrdi6ly 9ffensive t9 pe9ple with self-esteem issues._

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I suck. I'm horrible. I should kill myself.

_Well d9n't say that, either._

I'm bored. I feel nothing.

_I can see why they l9cked y9u up. #mental sta6ility privilege #slurs_

Why did they lock me up again?

_Y9u accidentally killed y9ur dad when y9u g9t mad at him. #death #death 9f a father figure_

Oh right. I remember the whole thing now.

_Yeah, s9 n9 need to repeat it, right?_

Carson van Tasson, mental hospital patient. It'd kill my dad.

_No, you killed your dad._

Shut the fuck up, asshole.

_W9w #slurs_

G-

your name is gamzee makara and aint that the most motherfuckin miraculous thing that's ever happened

_YOUR NAME IS NO LONGER GAMZEE MAKARA._

MOTHERFUCKER I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD DISAGREE WITH ME

_YOU CANNOT GET ANGRY. YOU ARE UNDER SEDATION._

you're up and motherfucking right, ain't ya? my names Gamaliel Magida. nice to motherfucking meet you

_THANK YOU._

NOW WHERE THE MOTHERFUCK AM I AT?

_COP CAR, DUMBASS. YOU UP AND MURDERED YOUR STEPMOM._

i never liked her

_THEY CHARGED YOU, IDIOT. THEY'RE SENDING YOU TO A MENTAL HOSPITAL RIGHT NOW._

WHAT THE MOTHERFUCK FOR?

_FOR INTERMITTENT EXPLOSIVE DISORDER._

and what might that be

_YOU GOT REALLY FUCKING TICKED AND BLEW UP AT HER._

YOU SAID SHE DIED.

_YOU BLEW UP AT HER WITH A KNIFE._

oh

_YEAH, OH._

E-

Your name is Equius Z-

_8=D Your name is no longer Equius._

Fine. Your name is Eknath Zanzane, a voice in your head is thinking about penises, and your father broke the rules.

_8=D I am not thinking about penises. And didn't you just kill your father?_

It was an accident. He broke the rules.

_8=D What rules?_

The rules that he set up. He said you have to be strong and he cried. I told him he was breaking the rules and he hit me. So I hit him back.

_8=D With a hammer._

He broke the rules. He broke the rules, he hit me. I hit him lightly. He tried to kill me, so I had to hit back.

_8=D You're lucky you're autistic._

It's not autism.

_8=D Oh right, it's Asperger's._

T-

You, uh, don't know why you're, uh, in here, but if, uh, Dad s-says you should b-be in here...

_Wow, doll. Don't you have any self confidence?_

No, uh, I'm not g-good at, uh, anything.

_That's no way to think._

Said the, uh, voice in m-my head.

_You bet I did, doll._

Great. Not only am I, uh, in the h-hospital, but I, T-Tomas Nicholson, have a v-voice in my h-head.

_You're paralyzed from the waist down too._

Th-thanks for your s-sympathy.

_Sh*t, doll, sorry._

T-

Your name is Terezi.

_Your n4m3 is Th3r3s4._

Your name is Terezi Pyrope and you're blind.

_Your n4m3 is Th3r3s4 Plumb3r 4nd you h4v3 syn3sth3s14, 4mong oth3r th1ngs._

Your name is Terezi Pyrope, and you're a blind alien who smells colors.

_Your n4m3 is Th3r3s4 Plumb3r, and you'r3 4 k1d who h34rs colors 4nd t3lls p3ople 4 dr4gon t4ught h3r how._

Terezi.

_Th3r3s4._

Terezi.

_Th3r3s4._

YOUR N4M3 1S T3R3Z1 PYROP3 4ND YOU 4R3NT HUM4N.

_Your n4m3 is Th3r3s4 Plumb3r 4nd th1s 1s why th3y lock3d you up 1n th3 f1rst pl4c3._

E-

they said somethin wwas wwrong wwith you an they called it schizo'ffective disorder an you dont evven knoww wwhat that is.

_ya knowv nothin wvrong wvith bein a little strange_

it's not a little strange, it's wweird!

_maybe just a little_

it's really wweird an they made you come here cause dad couldn't deal wwith it.

_vwell that's no vway to raise a child._

tell him that

_vwell I vwould if I vwerent a wvoice in your head._

so I really am crazy

_vwell youre crazy for bein convinced that that girl lowved you_

wwell I knoww that noww.

_vwell that's good_

thanks

_you knowv I'm just a wvoice in your head right_

yeah I knoww

_good_

J-

Daddy says that the ghosts arent real, but you know they are. They talk to you sometimes.

_YOU ARE BEING DELUSIONAL, YOUNG HEIR._

That ones your favorite. It doesnt have a name or anything, but it talks to you the most.

_hey uh not trying to be rude or anything but that guy isnt actually there_

That ones called John, like you. He's mean though. He says that you saw his arm once but that's a stupid thing to see.

_Sweetie don't be rude._

That's Nanna! She's the nicest and you want her to be your favorite but she always reminds you to brush your teeth or wipe your nose and it's weird.

R-

Your name is Rose Lalonde and your mother is explaining to you _ever so patiently _that you're just going to a _special _hospital for a little bit.

_Gl'thyobn c'ril ckyn kgihf q'lerthbn_

Those are the voices in your head, which you are currently attempting to drown out to the best of your ability whilst mother tells you _ever so carefully _that the hospital is the right place for you.

_F'rylnic kyoqua xict g'crobthy_

She's going to drop you off and she explains to you how lucky you are that there's such a close hospital that she can visit often. She says something about mixed ages-_ages five to eighteen in the same facility nearly none under ten-_and she is so lucky you aren't punching her alcoholic lights out.

_Fee'ran goylin goylin frobich keerlin_

Shut **up.**

J-

Your name is Jade Harley and they don't believe you when you tell them your grandpa is a faker. He isn't your real grandpa and they don't believe you when you tell them he isn't real. He forgot your birthday, and you know he isn't going senile. Grandpa doesn't go senile. He said he'd be healthy forever so you know he isn't for real.

You're turning into a dog again and they don't believe you when you say you turn into a dog like they didn't believe you when you told them that you shot the fake grandpa because he didn't know you so he wasn't your grandpa and grandpa said to shoot all intruders and now they're sending you to a hospital until you're eighteen which is dumb.

D-

Your name is Dave Strider and you're very confused. There are two yous in your body and half of you are crazy. Other you is called Spryte or Sprite or something and he thinks hes a bird so he almost jumped off a roof once and almost got you killed so now Bro's sending you to a creepyass mental hospital and they won't even let you bring your turntables which sucks.

_hey this isn't my fault_

Shut up youre the one who looked suicidal

_well I used to be a bird so you can understand my confusion_

Your name is Dave Strider and you aren't used to this.


End file.
